I labored

May the name of the LORD be blessed!" 

Nine months risking my own to give a life

Not once but five 

Hours I labored to bring forth life

Not one but thirty five

Nights I lay wake without sleep

Not one but too many

Watching my body reshape

My hair thin out 

My emotions so frail 

But my spirit was fierce

The love of a mother

holding in her arms and 

Gazing into the eyes of the gift of life, 

Asking for nothing but the strength to love them more

Yet you, who was to make me feel secure as I risked my life,  

Tore down my walls with your unkind words

Yet you,who was to ease my pain as I labored, drove a knife through my heart with your actions,

Yet you, who was to give me rest after sleepless nights, 

Burdened me with a heavy heart.

Nine months risking my own to give a life

Not once but five 

Hours I labored to bring forth life

Not one but thirty five

A labor of love that you failed to appreciate  

A gift from God you shall not scorn

The LORD gives, and the LORD takes away. May the name of the LORD be blessed!

Do you want to leave?

Then he opened the gates of mercy

And I heard His voice speak 

through the heart of a man

Of justice and peace

Do you want to leave ?

To Leave behind,

Thirteen years of false hope

Twelve years of affliction 

Eleven years of frustration 

Ten years of loneliness

Nine years of sorrow 

Eight years of self doubt 

Seven years of anger

Six years of regret

Four years of sadness

Three years of loss

Two years of fatigue

A year of lost dreams

Do you want to leave behind,

Your fears and find your courage?

You will not know where you will go from here,

But do you want to leave?

And that was the turning moment,

When,"I have to stay," became

"I can leave,"

Yes,I will go with you...

Pain

Sometimes you have to go through pain to conform to change 

When you must let go 

Of the only thing that you know 

And at times change relieves us from pain 

When the thorn in your side is taken out

Either way 

You need to stick through it

to become stronger

Because pain is just a flesh wound 

Testing the endurance of your spirit

So when your flesh aches and your head pounds

Reach deep within you and learn to think the right way;

spirit over mind, and mind over body

So that your transformation is not a white wash

But a manifestation of the spirit within,

Your will to heal.

It's cold outside

It was cold in my heart,

It was a lonely house,

With dreams covered in dust.

The music that played,

Was hope that beat with a faint pulse.

You knocked at my door,

I had no desire to answer.

You looked into my heart

through the dark window,

That kept the sun from shining in.

It was cold in my heart,

I sat beside a cold fireplace,

My spirit could not ignite the flame.

You walked in from the woods,

With firewood in one arm and a warm cover in another.

You showed a heart that promised to light the fire,

Gentle hands that promised to strum the cord of my heart,

And play the rhythm of my soul.

I let you stay a while,

When you placed the cover over my shoulders,

When you laid the wood in the fireplace,

When you turned on turned on the kettle, for a cup to warm my blood.

I gave up my key,

and let you move in to my heart.

Then I closed my eyes,

So that I could dream again, 

But you took the cover,

And pulled the wool over my eyes,

And lit a fire to burn my dreams.

You held my key,

And changed the locks,

I could not get out,

no one could come in,

Little red riding hood,

Closed in a cupboard.

Gratel, lost in the woods.

Rapanzel, locked up in a tower.

Snow White in a slumber.

Your apology

I do not need your apology when you do me wrong

Because your apology does not make me whole

For I was me before there was you 

I was myself before there was us

Yes I was before we were

I was already whole

Give an apology to make yourself whole

For when you do me wrong

You take away from your character

When you do me wrong 

You fragment your integrity 

Your apology is to heal your character

And to restore your integrity 

Because character is what builds relationships 

I do not need your apology when you do me wrong 

I need my good spirit 

So that I can forgive you

And let you move on

Sands of time

The passion of a dream

Shifts the sands of time 

To build the castle of your dreams

On the white sandy shore 

When the storm sets in  

The wind blows away the dust within

When the tide rises

It washes the jewels of the sea ashore 

When the sun shines

The sands sparkle like glitter in the sand

The passion of a dream

Shifts the sands of time 

Building a castle in the air 

Because your dreams have wings 

The passion of a dream 

Shifts the sands of time

Building a castle on the rocks

Because your dreams have roots 

That are as deep as the waters below 

The sands of time fall softly in the hour glass 

As you spin straw into gold.

???

Stranger to myself

My spirit is a ghost

A life in search of a resting place

Thirsty and weary

Detached from my mind 

But inhibiting my body  

Challenging my feelings 

I stay in limbo 

Trying to find myself

Yet running further away  

How can I find myself 

When I do not know who I am

How do I embrace a stranger

When I do not know myself?

Infinity

So you say you are looking for someone to fulfill you,

But the fact is,

you are looking to find yourself, because in your weakness,you cannot open your own eyes and see yourself whole,

So you look for one whose strength in spirit can project your image;

When you look into their eyes,

You want to see your reflection,

When their heart opens,

You want to see the love they hold for you,

When their arms hold you,

You want to feel how close they need to be with you ,

In their kiss,

You want to feel the depth of their longing,

When you make love,

You want to experience infinity,

Because that is how you see your self

Without a beginning or an end.

When you find the one who fulfills you,

You have found yourself,

your balance,

Your ying or yang; a kindred spirit.

So the first place to begin,

when you are searching for one who fulfill you,

Is to embrace yourself first,

your positive and negative energies,

Then master the forces that will move you forward or hold you back 

from finding yourself.

Catching my breath

I can barley hold myself up

Or keep myself together,

I am raffled,a bag in the wind,

My hope, tossed beyond my reach.

I breath,but cannot feel the wind move through my lungs.

I am awake, yet not living,

tears, they cloud my eyes

and I stumble on my own feet.

this helpless feeling,

as I watch the fading color of a dream, 

I want to speak, with no words to  express my heart,

It is crushed,

A dream crumbles, 

But falls heavy on my head,

With a sense of impending doom 

I hold my breath.

My head, heavy on my shoulders 

needing a break, just to catch my breath  

I breath, but cannot feel wind going through my lungs

I hold my breath

But I need to exhale.

Love finds you

The love that finds you is the kind of love that stays with you,

 lives in you 

and surrounds you.

It does not exhaust your soul 

Because you do not chase after it

It comes to you  

And lays your soul to rest 

A love that lays with you 

And rises with you

It reads your soul 

And answers questions that you have not yet asked 

Because it hears your voice

It understand the rhythm of your heart beat

the kind of friend who can finish what you start and start what you can finish

Yking and yang

A tango of two souls

Dancing to the rhythm that is not composed by another 

The sound of a melody of strings  

Strumed with fingers intertwined

Walking hand in hand 

With the step of one heart

Yet two people 

Hand in hand

Yet left and right

Heart to heart

Yet ying and yang

Three wishes 

I -love - you

A world in four dimensions 

You, I , hope and the universe

Heartbeat

When you have children

Your heart beats outside your body

It has a pulse that skips a beat each time they stumble

It races with each triumphant cry

Your arms are ready to catch them

when the truth of life challenges their naivety and cause them to stumble over their own feet 

When they hurt, your heart bleeds 

When they fall your prayers pick them up

Their laughter are the bells that chime in your heart 

When you have children

You learn to let go of what you want

For what they need

My Happy place

I know a happy place

A quiet place

It begins within

With a Word 

just a whisper

A spark that flickers in my soul

igniting my spirit into a roaring flame

that floats a deflated dream

Like a hot air ballon 

I  rise up

When I look below

I see over the mountains 

And across the valleys

I see my way 

When I look up

my dreams are the stars that light up the darkness

This is my happy place

Where my mind is free 

To express what gives me joy

In my happy place

I do not sit by the phone

I dance to the rhythm of my heart beat

and the one I dance with

tunes into my spirit 

and sings my song

It is abuse

It is not just a slap nor is it just a name

It is abuse

and you should not have to take any

So I get slap in the face

And you are called a name

So I am beaten up with a hand 

And you are beaten down with words

So you have counted a year 

And I have counted thirteen

your pain is not less than mine

When you cry in silence 

And I cry out loud

Your tears are just as salty as mine 

And just as wet

When you dry your eyes 

And mine run down my neck

It is abuse

When sharp words cut your soul

And a hand cuts my flesh

My body has scars 

And your scars are marked on your soul

You do not take in less 

and I do not take in more

Because the heart still breaks the same way and the spirit burns out

You reach out for bread

And you get a stone

I thirst for water

But I drink vinegar

The hunger is the same.

A man with honor

A man with honor is confident and yet not proud,

His humility serves him well in honoring a woman.

A man without honor is proud,

he is foolish to dishonor a woman in serving himself.

A man with honor is attractive,

For he knows how to respectfully get what he needs from a woman.

The respect she gives him is earned and not demanded,

She comes to him with an open heart, because he holds out an open hand 

and holds her close to his heart.

A man without honor is unattractive,

He has a woman but not her heart,

Her closed heart cannot yield respect,

So he demands her respect with a closed fist,

A hand to subdue her at his feet.

A man with honor stands tall,

for beside him is a woman who is a pillar of strength,

For her love for him is strong.

A man without honor leans on his arrogance,

For beneath him is a woman too weak from carrying the burden of his pride.

A man with honor holds a woman up

For he takes down her walls to set her heart free

A man without honor hold a woman down 

For he builds walls around her and his ego consumes her.

a good breakup

Why can we not have a good breakup?

You will not threaten me to stay,

And I will not threaten to leave,

Let's hold the door for each other,

As we walk out together,

And part our way,

Because the room that we shared,

That heart that kept us together,

Is now too small to hold both our dreams,

Let us move out without burning the house down,

By not breaking each other's heart, 

And breaking each other's dreams,

Let us move out together,

Without leaving the other behind,

Let us leave the lights on and the door open,

So that either one of us,

Is free to come back,

to the place that we once shared,

And still find fond memories on the walls,

And a warm rug near an open fire,

The place that we once shared should not be a lonely room,  

Because in our hearts,

We hold each other in friendship.

Fish bowl

You hold your dreams in a jar,

You guard them like a treasure,

Wrapping your arms around  them,

watching them with glee,

Like a gold fish you contain them,

You fear to let go,

Because your dreams are bigger than yourself,

And demand higher expectations,

But like a fish in a bowl,

your dreams remain as small as you keep your mind closed,

As shallow as you keep your feet on the ground,

And as low as you look down upon yourself

Look up 

Let your mind see

For your dreams are bigger than yourself,

Because they are your spirit,

Which is bigger than the fish in the bowl,

Have courage

let go

Your dreams have wings to fly,

and needs to soar.

Love notes

Unresolved emotions

Questions looking for answers 

The stress that weighs on my shoulders and in my head 

I empty my mind

I think not of myself

I feel lonely

Desperate for someone to hold me 

and remind me of who I am 

To see in me what I cannot

I hold my breath

but I find none

who reminds me to breath out 

So I burn the wick of my candle until the wax puts it out

I hold the match until it burns my fingers

I sit in darkness 

I think until my mind hurts and my flesh aches

Yet my spirit does not burn out

But rages on like a roaring flame

Licking every corner of my mind

Burning down the walls that close my mind

Connecting me with the universe that feeds my soul

The universe embraces me

and a light flikers in my mind

I see the depth of my soul

There lies the wisdom that speaks to me

Words of life

Flowing in a rhythm that syncs mind body and spirit 

Taming my raging emotions 

Creating harmony with chaos

Restoring order from within

Calming my mind

Relaxing my body 

Directing my path to a resting place

There I will sleep

Her words a lullaby 

Her love notes

Serenade my soul in quiet meditation 

WALK AWAY

An abusive relationship is like a loaded gun,

Keeping one is playing a game of cheating death,

How long can you play Russian Roulette?

The time to get out is before you get numb to abuse,

When you stop trying to appease your abuser,

When you stop caring about what they think or what they do,

You think you have saved your sanity,

Yet you have just set the trigger on a loaded gun,

Who will pull the trigger? 

The abuser will,

in that moment of realizing they no longer have power over you,

The abused will,

In that moment when the will to live 

becomes stronger than the fear to die,

The time to get out of an abusive relationship is before you get numb,

When you can be still and hear your heartbeat,

When you can look in the mirror and still recognize yourself,

When you can still feel the ground beneath your feet to stand up and walk away.

Do you want to get well?

 

You lay on your bed of dreams

knocking on the door of hope

As you write your desires on the wall of your heart 

Your heart bleeds the life that is your spirit

You feel as though you will die 

If you do not heal

Then one day a door appears  

Presenting itself as a question 

Do you want to get well?

An opportunity to realize a dream

A door unlocked but not open

you cannot see what lies beyond 

Fear of what you do not know sets in

Do you want to get well?

You dare to answer yes to what lies beyond

The door swings open

And all you can see is mountains and valleys

The road is unclear 

While your feet need the ground to keep you standing 

Your spirit soars above all your fears

Because your will is stronger than your flesh 

And your will shall pave a way

Do you want to get well? 

Rise up from your bed and walk.

Joy and Pain

When you choose to pursue love,

You embrace all that comes with it,

The joy of being accepted as you are,

And the pain of rejection,

You cannot have one without the other,

Because you know joy after feeling pain,

And you endure the pain because you have experienced joy

Trust

You do not trust anyone with your feelings,

So you do not share them,

You keep them to yourself,

You move into a relationship,

But you never unpack,

Because you are not sure if this is home,

So you live out of your suitcase,

Always ready to leave,

You keep one foot out of the door, 

Because doubt is always pushing you out,

And there is nothing stronger pulling you in,

Drawing your heart to stay,

Warming your heart to open,

A net to catch your heart before it hits the floor and breaks,

That net is called trust,

Which is woven by love,

Drawing your heart to stay,

Warming your heart to open,

Making you feel safe to free fall in love

Cherish

When you fail to cherish what you have,

You rush to get what you think you are missing,

You open your hand to get more,

But what you already have,

Will slip through your fingers.

Be Close. Be True. Be Strong

A close relationship is when each one has room to grow their own wings,

A true relationship is when each one can freely say I was wrong,

A strong relationship is when distance does not mean a weaker connection,

But a greater longing to be together

Dance with me

A man shows his attraction to a woman by dancing around her,

But expresses his love to a her 

When he dances with her.

He holds her in his arms,

But keeps her in his heart,

Close enough that she always knows how he feels about her,

That she never has to guess or doubt.

She is not common to him,

So he calls her not by her common name,

But the name that she has written on his heart.

An undefined relationship

An undefined relationship pauses questions without presenting answers,

It is like going for a ride without a destination;you do not know when you have arrived,

You close your eyes without knowing what you will see when you wake up,

Uncertainty is your companion and doubt is your bedfellow,

You are together and yet alone.

Laughter

When you carry sorrow in your heart,

Laughter cannot lift up a heavy heart,

When your eyes are clouded with tears,

Laughter cannot make your eyes sparkle,

Let your heart grieve to get well,

As you let your tears run freely to empty your sorrow,

Then leave your heart open

for laughter to fill up your heart,

Lifting it higher than the cloud,

And the reflection in your eyes shall be of a star,

That is within your reach

Love liberates

Love does not restrict,

Love does not trap,

Love does not hold back,

Love empowers you to have the option to leave, 

So that you choose to stay at will.

Love liberates.

Distance

I do not measure the distance between us in time or miles,

I measure it by how strong we connect emotionally, 

How well we understand each other,

How far we meet each other's needs, 

How clear we see each other's individuality,

How close we hold each other's heart,

How quietly we speak to each other,

I am not hours, minutes or miles away from you,

I am as close to you as I can reach out to you and you to me.

B.

Speed

Your life spins on a hamster wheel,

If you cannot slow down,

You are moving in the wrong lane,

If you are chasing after time,

Life waits on the side road,

Where the field of dandelions grow,

Take a stroll.

Life waits among the rocks,

Where the wild flowers grow

Climb up.

Life waits in the sand

Where sea shells wash ashore,

Walk on barefoot.

Life does not rush,

It moves a step at a time,

A rhythm neither too slow or too fast,

Where mind moves with body and body moves with soul

And your spirit is the Maestro

Live in the moment

When you live life by the clock,

Measuring your days in hours, minutes and seconds

You race through life for an empty prize, working to catch up, keep up or stay ahead,

You taste without savoring, 

Look without seeing,

Touch without feeling, 

Hear without listening,

and smell without memory.

Stop.

Savor the taste,

See when you look,

Feel when you touch,

Listen when you hear,

Stimulate your mind with a scent,

Then you will measure your life in moments,

because you live in the moment.

Open your mind

You close your mind,

When you focus on what you cannot do

and quench the flame of your spirit,

because you allow your fears,

to soar above your hopes.

Open your mind to what you can do,

because possibilities contained in fear,

are missed opportunities.

Be transformed

When you discover what you are missing 

you have found a ray of hope,

When you believe that you can attain it 

hope will cast out your fears, 

When you chase your dream,

you will change old ways,

You will step into the light,

When you live your dream,

You will be the light.

Hope over fear

Though your fears may be countless,

engulfing your mind in darkness,

Keeping you from walking after your dreams,

Because you fear to stumble and fall.

Open your mind,

and follow the ray of hope that is your dream,

And you will walk into the light.

Hope

When we fail a challenge,

our fear of failing again,

holds us back from taking a second chance,

because we harbour our fears. 

Yet it should be,

that our hope to overcome our fears

push us forward,

for only then,

we become stronger.

The rhythm of life

You feel the rhythm of life when you embrace each experience that you have as unique

As when you taste  a dish for the second time or that second kiss you anticipate after the first

You take away from the second experience when you try to recreate the first because they cannot be the same

Just as the second wave that comes ashore is not as the one before because the grains of sand have shifted

You experience the first wave when you dip your toes,

The second when you dive in,

The third is when you swim

and thereafter,

You learn to be one with the sea.

When you dance to the rhythm of life

You will not just exist

You will live.

Self worth

You are in a failed relationship

When you have poured yourself out

and the emptiness echoes in places where love should have been.

you are not in love,

because love nurtures your spirit.

You are afraid

to step out alone

because you have not developed a sense of self worth.

Love yourself.

A liability

A liability is a relationship that demands more and gives less, 

one that leaves you with an emptiness,

that sounds an echoe of who you once were.

Truth

The truth is a hard pill to swallow but it is the cure for self-deception.

Laughter

Laughter is warmth,

It melts the cold heart,

and makes you pour yourself out,

because love now fills the emptiness

Sense of self

Dedicate to love yourself;

to embracing your own ideas and nurturing them;

to develop a strong sense of self,

enlightened to identify an abusive relationship,

as the one that stifles your self expression.

Self expression is the act of pouring yourself out,

giving your heart the room to grow a greater love,

one that is wide enough to embrace all,

strong enough to carry responsibility,

and pure enough to heal. 

Loving yourself is

Loving yourself is standing up for yourself,

by expressing your ideas,

and realising they are worth fulfilling,

because your heart, your mind and your body lives through your spirit,

and when you dim the light of your soul,

you become lost in the darkness of this world.

Rejection

When someone rejects your self expression,

they do not have respect for the love you have for yourself,

and thus the capacity to love you.