Friday, January 1, 2016

My kindred spirit

I was tired of being with company
Yet feeling so alone
Of attractions that fades like pastels in the wind
Likes that turned to disappointment 
Excitement that fizzled with the first kiss
Longing to find a heart that matched my passion
When just holding hands and taking long walks was the perfect date
I was tired of undefined relationships 
That emotional roller coaster 
My mind had grown weary 
Until one came along
Who moved his world to make room for me
I was impressed by the effort
He defined our relationship
It was to be a marriage 
I was intrigued by his boldness
comforted by the security of a defined relationship
I thought finally 
I am off the emotional roller coaster 
I can put my feet on the ground
My head can stop spinning
My heart can settle 
I have found the one I was looking for
But this happy ever after was missing one thing
Me
I was not in the picture 
I was someone who was looking for someone before I found myself
I was looking for someone to fill the void in my heart 
When my own spirit should have filed that void
That day I said yes to the greatest mistake of my life
The mistake was not being with the wrong  person
It was running away from my self
By riding that emotional roller coaster 
And when I was tired of the highs and lows
I settled for the second best thing
Someone else 
Because I was at my lowest point 
Living in the shadow
Just like a moth 
I was drawm to the faintest glow of light 
Like a moth
I circled around it, just that, circled 
Endlessly
Going nowhere,
I had settled around a lamp
Because I was at my lowest point
Living in the shadow of my insecurities
I settled for the second best thing
Someone else
When I should have settled for the first 
Myself
That time in the shadows
Was the time to grow into my self
Filling the void in my heart with my own spirit
Lighting the candle within me
Perfecting my aura
Because When my light is at its brightest
Then I would clearly see who I am 
Then I will attract the one 
Who is my perfect match
My kindred spirit 
You do not put my light out
Because their light 
Will glow just as bright as mine